Forgive Yourself

Sometimes I miss him, sometimes I do not. Its been over two years now but I remember as if it was yesterday.

I remember mum had to fetch me and my two year old brother Callum from school, she did not usually as she would always work till late most days.
She was in a bad mood because dad had not felt like fetching us. And then we broke down, so dad had to come and fetch us.
Mum and dad had an argument, he was complaining how he always looks after Callum and I and how he is like the mother and father in the family. My mum obviously had to defend herself, so dad was not watching the road, he did not see that the robot was red, he did not see the car moving so fast in our direction, he could not do anything. I saw it, I jumped from my seat and covered my baby brother with my body. The car jerked from the force and the car spun and hit the lane wall hard. Finally the car settled and everything went quiet. I moved off my brother, he looked up at me, eyes big and blue, I quickly unbuckled him from his car seat and told him that everything was going to be okay.

After reassuring him I looked to my parents for help, but they sat still and the air bags were holding them in their seats.
That was when I noticed the crushed bonnet and smoke coming from it. I knew then that this was my moment to save my family.
For a few seconds I hoped that help would arrive, that someone would see the car, but outside the street was empty and dark.

Callum moaned next to me and I knew we had to get out.
I tried opening my door but it would not budge, it was trapped closed by the lane wall.
I moved over to Callum's door but it would not open, child lock was on and I would only be able to open it from the outside. But the windows were electronic and the car was off, so I could not open the window – I had to break it. I told Callum to get down and cover his face as I broke – after a few tries - the window with the seatbelt clip.
I opened the door with the outside handle, grabbed Callum and climbed out the car.

An ambulance siren sounded in the distance. I set Callum on the pavement but he cried when I left. So he followed me back to the car and to mom's door.
I opened the door carefully, Callum whimpered, I patted his head and then reached over and pushed the air out of the air-bag, giving my mother more air.
She called my name softly, I moved closer to her. She reached for her seatbelt and unclipped it.
Her leg was stuck. I pull the lever and push her seat backwards, freeing her legs from under the dashboard.
I grab her arm and help her out the car, then I support her weight and we hobble to the pavement.
I settle her down with Callum and turn to go fetch my father.
Mum stops me, she told me it is too late. I nod sadly and sit down with her.
The paramedics arrive soon after and help us.

Mum still works, Callum is four now and I look after him. I still live at home and everyday I pass photographs of the family and I think; my dad was a good father to my brother and I. And sometimes, sometimes I just wish that I could have saved him too...

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