The Investigator
I straighten my shirt as I wait in the coffee shop for my latest customer; Ricardo Forrero. He is a very well known man in this town, has his hands in many businesses, single and childless as far as everyone knows.
I stand up when I see the smartly dressed man staring at me and hold my arm out to shake his hand.
"Jessica Rivers, it is a pleasure to finally meet you Mr.Forrero!" I motion for him to take a seat across from me and the waitress hurries over to take his drink order.
I am nobody special here, I am a known photographer on the outskirts of this town, I do the small photo shoots that families want done.
"Thank you for meeting up with me on such short notice." This is true, Ricardo found me online a week ago, we chatted on the phone once where he briefly explained his problem and what he needs me for, then we set up this date to speak about the details.
"It is not a problem, so you are looking for someone." I cut to the chase, not wanting to spend too much time with the highly recognised man incase rumours form.
"Yes!" the waitress brings him his coffee. "I have tried myself but proven nothing, I am hoping you can do a better job... after all I am paying you to do so."
"Of course," I nod, people think investigating is so simple, it is not and sometimes we are not able to finish a job. "Tell me what you know about the person. How old, last seen, relationship, description of appearance, just anything." I open my notepad and click my pen.
"Oh, uh... they must be about twenty-five now?" he scrunches his face up.
"They?" I widen my eyes, I was unaware of finding more than one person.
"Well no, I don't know what to say, I don't know if it is a girl or boy." he sighs loudly.
I look down at my notepad for a second trying to decide if I should walk away now, refusing to even try find the unknown person because this clearly is a dud case.
"This is confidential right? Just between us, correct?" he brings my attention back to him.
"Yes, whoever I go through do not know it has anything to do with you, only me." I assure him.
he nods slowly, taking a deep breath at the same time.
"Okay, many years ago met a woman - beautiful - we went out a couple times, her name was Susannette, never knew her last name. anyway, we were young and when her family found out about us they took her away. I saw her once after that, she looked horrible but she also looked pregnant. i tried to talk to her but she ran away crying. I was sure the baby was mine so I tried to find her but she was gone, I never saw her again. I still looked out for her, but I didn't know how to find her."
"Sorry sir, who are we looking for? Susannette?"
"No, no... I am looking for my baby." he says and I close my eyes and breathe slowly.
"Okay, was it in this town?"
"Yes" I nod at his word and start scribbling.
Plus/minus 25 years
Girl or boy
Mother name: Susannette
Father name: Ricardo Forrero?
"Can you describe Susannette for me, please?" I look up at the dark haired man.
"Of course I can, she was tall and tanned with these gorgeous long legs and this thick chocolate hair and big almond brown eyes, framed by waterfall eyelashes. She had this cute little nose and small ears too. Her skin was so soft and smooth I could never understand how. I think she lived with her parents and siblings east of town..." he waits to see my expression, East side is not the wealthiest part of town, the houses are tiny, families are huge and roads are broken.
East side
"When last did you see her?" I ask him, remaining professional.
"Uh, must have been twenty-four years ago, I am not entirely sure. It was Autumn though, I remember it was a bit cold that day I saw her in the drugstore in a baggy grey shirt and yoga pants. I remember thinking - why is she not wearing a jacket?"
I nod and write,
Autumn (April - June?"
Drugstore - east side?
"How do you know she was pregnant?" I ask wanting to make sure I'm not about to search for someone that doesn't exist.
"She was huge - not being rude or anything - but anyone who was anyone could tell she was pregnant even though she was wearing big shirt. Her belly was large, round and hard looking. Unlike when a person is just overweight."
"Anything else?" Ricardo shakes his head.
"Alright then Mr.Forrero. Please call me if you think of anything else and I will be in touch with you if I come up with even the smallest thing to make sure I am on the right track." I smile at him and we shake hands.
"Thank you Miss.Rivers." Ricardo nods and walks out, leaving me in the cafe. I look down and noticed he left a couple notes of money on the table to cover the bill.
I shake my head with a sigh, rich people just throwing money around.
I pack my things away and head off to meet my close friend Jasper Craig who is a detective for the police station.
"Jessie!" Jasper greets me with a tight hug.
I met Jasper a long time ago when I was investigating a case the police were covering, Jasper caught me and told me to walk away from the case but he would not have figured it out in time unless he let me help him, he only realised this later on.
"Hey Jasp..." I say with a tired sigh.
Jasper is taller than me but not by much because I am quite tall, he has dark hair that curls slightly with it's length. He has this cute smile that girls swoon over but he is always single, more of a one-night man.
"What happened?" he sits down and nods for me to follow. We're in his office at the police station, everyone here knows I am close friends with Jasper and I am a regular face here.
"I have a case..."
"Okay..." he waits for me, leaning back into his leather chair.
"It is a guy looking for a child he isn't positive exists."
"Oooh... that is a bad one. Any names?"
"Yes, Susannette." I say and he leans forward and logs into his computer. "About twenty five years ago she was young and living with her family on East side." I read from my notepad.
"Susannette..." he hums while he waits. "Susannah Shannon, Susanne Phillips, Susannette Lyle-" he stops. "Born in 1974..."
I sit up, this can't be right, this is too easy, Ricardo would have been able to figure this out himself.
"She is from here!" he looks at me.
"Where?" I ask.
"Uhm..." his eyes move as he reads quickly. "It doesn't say... uhhhh... oh!"
"What?" I ask, eyes wide.
"Oh no, 'died September 1992' she committed suicide, she suffered from depression." he clicks and types a few things.
"Why, what happened?" I do the calculations in my head, "She was only 18!"
"Says here she was found in a bath of her own blood in a motel bathroom, they assume she drowned in the water after blacking out before actually bleeding to death from the cuts down her arms."
"Sounds horrid!" I shake my head. "Does it say anything about her having any children?"
Jasper shakes his head.
"Okay, thank you." I stand up slowly.
"I'm sorry Jessica." Jasper says, standing up too.
"No, it is okay." he pulls me into his arms and I hug him tightly.
Jasper has proven to be the best friend I need, sticking by me these past five years, making me happy when I am sad and looking after me when I am sick. If I didn't know his bad habits when it comes to women I would let myself fall for him.
I let myself into my apartment and flop onto the couch, how am I going to get this right?
I wake my laptop up and log into Facebook.
"Jessie!" Jasper greets me with a tight hug.
I met Jasper a long time ago when I was investigating a case the police were covering, Jasper caught me and told me to walk away from the case but he would not have figured it out in time unless he let me help him, he only realised this later on.
"Hey Jasp..." I say with a tired sigh.
Jasper is taller than me but not by much because I am quite tall, he has dark hair that curls slightly with it's length. He has this cute smile that girls swoon over but he is always single, more of a one-night man.
"What happened?" he sits down and nods for me to follow. We're in his office at the police station, everyone here knows I am close friends with Jasper and I am a regular face here.
"I have a case..."
"Okay..." he waits for me, leaning back into his leather chair.
"It is a guy looking for a child he isn't positive exists."
"Oooh... that is a bad one. Any names?"
"Yes, Susannette." I say and he leans forward and logs into his computer. "About twenty five years ago she was young and living with her family on East side." I read from my notepad.
"Susannette..." he hums while he waits. "Susannah Shannon, Susanne Phillips, Susannette Lyle-" he stops. "Born in 1974..."
I sit up, this can't be right, this is too easy, Ricardo would have been able to figure this out himself.
"She is from here!" he looks at me.
"Where?" I ask.
"Uhm..." his eyes move as he reads quickly. "It doesn't say... uhhhh... oh!"
"What?" I ask, eyes wide.
"Oh no, 'died September 1992' she committed suicide, she suffered from depression." he clicks and types a few things.
"Why, what happened?" I do the calculations in my head, "She was only 18!"
"Says here she was found in a bath of her own blood in a motel bathroom, they assume she drowned in the water after blacking out before actually bleeding to death from the cuts down her arms."
"Sounds horrid!" I shake my head. "Does it say anything about her having any children?"
Jasper shakes his head.
"Okay, thank you." I stand up slowly.
"I'm sorry Jessica." Jasper says, standing up too.
"No, it is okay." he pulls me into his arms and I hug him tightly.
Jasper has proven to be the best friend I need, sticking by me these past five years, making me happy when I am sad and looking after me when I am sick. If I didn't know his bad habits when it comes to women I would let myself fall for him.
I let myself into my apartment and flop onto the couch, how am I going to get this right?
I wake my laptop up and log into Facebook.
Susannette Lyle... Ricardo said she had siblings, maybe they have kept up with the era and have Facebook.
I type in the surname and wait for the nearest results.
Charlie Lyle, 20kms away
Sabrina Lyle, 18 kms away
Taide Lyle, 50 kms away
George Lyle, 200 kms away
Charlie and Sabrina are too close to be on East side, Taide is a bit better.
I go through each profile.
Charlie is young, could be a younger brother of Susannette or a nephew, he is thirty-two years old.
Sabrina is definitely a niece or of no relation as she is sixteen years old.
Taide is nineteen years old, could be related.
George is an old man but he stays too far to have any connection.
the other Lyle's are too far out of town or out of the country.
Facebook gives too much information, children should stop using it. I think as I find out where Sabrina goes to school and where Taide works.
I type in the surname and wait for the nearest results.
Charlie Lyle, 20kms away
Sabrina Lyle, 18 kms away
Taide Lyle, 50 kms away
George Lyle, 200 kms away
Charlie and Sabrina are too close to be on East side, Taide is a bit better.
I go through each profile.
Charlie is young, could be a younger brother of Susannette or a nephew, he is thirty-two years old.
Sabrina is definitely a niece or of no relation as she is sixteen years old.
Taide is nineteen years old, could be related.
George is an old man but he stays too far to have any connection.
the other Lyle's are too far out of town or out of the country.
Facebook gives too much information, children should stop using it. I think as I find out where Sabrina goes to school and where Taide works.
I jot down the names and close my laptop.
I drive to Taide's work which is a hardware store East side of town.
A bell rings as i walk in and a man behind the counter looks up from his newspaper to give me a curt nod in greeting.
"Uhm... I am looking for a Taide Lyle," I say, unsure now since there is no one else in the small shop.
"Taide? That boy hasn't been here in a year, caught him stealing. Sorry ma'am, there's no Taide here." he didn't even lift his head to answer me.
"Thanks." I walk out.
I drive to Taide's work which is a hardware store East side of town.
A bell rings as i walk in and a man behind the counter looks up from his newspaper to give me a curt nod in greeting.
"Uhm... I am looking for a Taide Lyle," I say, unsure now since there is no one else in the small shop.
"Taide? That boy hasn't been here in a year, caught him stealing. Sorry ma'am, there's no Taide here." he didn't even lift his head to answer me.
"Thanks." I walk out.
I climb back into my car and look at my notepad.
I scratch out Taide's name and put a question mark next to Sabrina and Charlie.
I check the time and drive to Sabrina's school, I sit in my car and wait for the end of school when it does hundreds of kids come rushing out. I look at my phone where an image of Sabrina is enlarged from her facebook profile. I try catch her out from the swarm of teenage girls but it proves extremely difficult from their matching trendy looks.
I decide to follow the school bus hoping she takes public transport...
The bus winds down tiny roads but I keep my eyes on every girl that hops out, I make note of the addresses of girls that could be her but I'm not 100% sure of and continue down the streets.
We pass a house that a bright orange VW Golf is in the drive way and I watch as a girl jumps out of the passenger seat and an older boy climbs out the drivers side, both resembling Taide and Sabrina...
I slow down quickly and watch them walk into the house through my rearview mirror.
This is a good enough time!
I pull into a driveway and turn my car around, stopping outside the Lyle's house.
I take a few moments before climbing out my car and approaching the small house, the grass is a bit overgrown and the paint is peeling off the walls, there are creeper plants creeping all over the wall around the peeling paint and the gutters are broken and awkwardly hanging.
I rap twice on the cracked door with my fist and wait patiently.
"It's for me! - Jenni said she would come over!" I hear a girl's voice, Obviously Sabrina's.
"Hey! - Oh..." the door is pulled open and a beautiful dark haired girl stops short in front of me. "Can I help you?"
"Hi, are your parents home?" I smile at her.
"Uhh.. hold on?" she backs away and a larger person takes her place.
"Taide?" I look up at the strong face.
He steps forward, into my space, forcing me to stumble back.
"What do you want? Why are you looking for me? You with the police?" he spits his words out harshly.
I scratch out Taide's name and put a question mark next to Sabrina and Charlie.
I check the time and drive to Sabrina's school, I sit in my car and wait for the end of school when it does hundreds of kids come rushing out. I look at my phone where an image of Sabrina is enlarged from her facebook profile. I try catch her out from the swarm of teenage girls but it proves extremely difficult from their matching trendy looks.
I decide to follow the school bus hoping she takes public transport...
The bus winds down tiny roads but I keep my eyes on every girl that hops out, I make note of the addresses of girls that could be her but I'm not 100% sure of and continue down the streets.
We pass a house that a bright orange VW Golf is in the drive way and I watch as a girl jumps out of the passenger seat and an older boy climbs out the drivers side, both resembling Taide and Sabrina...
I slow down quickly and watch them walk into the house through my rearview mirror.
This is a good enough time!
I pull into a driveway and turn my car around, stopping outside the Lyle's house.
I take a few moments before climbing out my car and approaching the small house, the grass is a bit overgrown and the paint is peeling off the walls, there are creeper plants creeping all over the wall around the peeling paint and the gutters are broken and awkwardly hanging.
I rap twice on the cracked door with my fist and wait patiently.
"It's for me! - Jenni said she would come over!" I hear a girl's voice, Obviously Sabrina's.
"Hey! - Oh..." the door is pulled open and a beautiful dark haired girl stops short in front of me. "Can I help you?"
"Hi, are your parents home?" I smile at her.
"Uhh.. hold on?" she backs away and a larger person takes her place.
"Taide?" I look up at the strong face.
He steps forward, into my space, forcing me to stumble back.
"What do you want? Why are you looking for me? You with the police?" he spits his words out harshly.
"I'm sorry, I don't understand..."
"You came to the shop this morning! I saw you, Al said you were asking for me, now tell me what you want and how you found my home!" he looks down at me with hard eyes.
"My name is Jessica Rivers, I,uh, I was hoping to speak to your parents?" I almost stutter out, intimidated by his size.
"Sorry, I can't help you, my parents don't live here. Try somewhere else." he turns around.
"Who is it Taiden?" an elderly woman stands in the doorway.
"Nobody grandma, don't you worry." he motions for her to go back inside.
"No, hold on dear... hello?" he looks around him at me. "I know you!" her eyes widen.
"No, that is impossible ma'am, I don't stay around here." I shake my head slowly.
"Come on Gran!" Taide tries to gently push the woman inside.
"Wait!" she pats Taide's hands away and comes out. "What did you come here for my dear?"
"I wanted to speak to your children..." I mumble
"And why is that?"
"I am looking for someone... I think she is related to you." I look at the woman with warm, kind eyes.
"Let's see, what is her name?"
"Uhm..." I suddenly feel nervous, Taide's eyes are drilling into me over the woman's graying hair. "Susannette Lyle, ma'am..." I almost whisper it.
Her eyes widen for a split second, I almost miss it.
"Taide?" she says his name without moving to look behind her.
"Yes grandma?"
"Please could you get Sabrina to make some tea, and could you make sure Miss Rivers is comfortable, I need to fetch something from my room. I will back." a smile slowly appears, "Please come in, it is Jessica, yes?"
"Yes... okay." Taide steps aside for his grandmother and motions me into the tiny house.
I follow the grandmother in slowly, taking in my surroundings. The house is not untidy, there is just too much stuff trying to be fitted in that makes it cramped and makes the place feel untidy.
"Sit, I'll go get Sabrina."
"Already on it, Tai." her voice floats in, along with the sound of a kettle boiling.
"Alright then, I'll stay." he sits down on the torn couch opposite me.
"Who is Susannette?" he asks after a little while.
"You mean you do not know?" he shakes his head. "I thought she was your mother..." I admit stressfully.
"I think you have the wrong family, my mother is Carina." he lies back, a smug look on his face.
"Stop it boy!" the woman scuttles into the living room and takes her seat on the most comfortable looking couch in the room. She places a box on her lap and looks at me.
"I haven't heard that name in ages! How do you know it?" I look around nervously, I can't tell her the truth because it is confidential.
"It's okay dear... you don't have to tell me." she smiles and my nerves disappear. "Susannette is my daughter." she announces.
"What?" Taide's head spins to face his grandmother.
"Hush Taiden, I am speaking." she scolds him.
"Here gramma..." Sabrina places the tray of tea on the table in the middle of the chairs and sits down on the arm of her grandmother's chair.
"Thank you sweetie." she strokes her grandchild's cheek before facing me again. "She was the sister of their father, the middle child of them all. We didn't have alot of money, still don't, it has been harder now without Carina and Lenarr, Lenaar is the kids' father." she explains and I nod. "Susannette was a wild soul, she hated being here and would always be out and about, like a butterfly - and like a butterfly she was beautiful. It was hard for her, growing up with two brothers, one older and one younger." she smiles down at the old box on her lap.
"Ma'am... I just want to know where I could find her." I speak up, afraid I am going to get trapped into story time.
"Of course you do... I am sorry child, but Susannette passed away years ago." she clears her throat when I don't respond.
"Oh..." well this made things harder. "I'm sorry... - do you know if she had any children?"
"I didn't think so, to be honest I thought she had an abortion - sorry. She came home one day and we found out she had been with a man. My husband - her father - and I exchanged a few hurtful words with her. We helped her through the following pregnancy, it was hard for her. we could not afford to feed the mouths already, let alone a baby, we organised to put the baby up for adoption. Susannette didn't respond, we took her silence as agreement but then one day she was gone. Left nothing but a note -" she opens the box and hands me a yellowed envelope that had been torn open.
I carefully remove the letter and unfold it.
Dear mama and papa,
I am sorry, I didn't know what to do.
I lost the baby today
I can't do this
I need to be alone
Goodbye,
Susannette
I fold the letter back up and hand it back.
"We never saw her again..." the lady coughs, "She was only eighteen. Three months later, police approached us to inform us of her death. She had killed herself, drowned in the bathtub of a motel. There was no child so we knew she hadn't lied about the miscarriage. We were heartbroken at the news, Susannette was our baby, she was our little girl, losing her in the moment was a shock but we knew she needed space, we didn't think she would hurt herself..." a stray tear rolls down her cheek and Sabrina swipes it away with her finger.
"So she didn't have a baby?" I whisper.
"Obviously she did!" the lady looks at me.
"I don't understand..." I shake my head.
"Well isn't that the reason you came here?"
"Yes, I was looking for Susannette, I wanted to find out--"
"About your mother, I know." she smiles.
"Excuse me?" I stare at her. "I think there has been a misunderstanding...
"What do you mean?" the lady now looks confused.
"I'm here to find Sussanette's baby, I don't think that I am the baby..."
"Oh dear..." the woman strokes her box.
Guilt flows through me, I let this woman believe that I was her lost grandchild.
"I am so, so sorry..." I shake my head.
"No child, you have nothing to apologise for, I do." she looks up at me, "We never should have pushed her away, your mother didn't deserve that! And you never even knew! Your mother was so brave... she wanted to try on her own, she left to be a mother, obviously she realised she couldn't do it and landed up having to leave you..."
"No... Susannette is not my mother, yes I was adopted but how did you know that? But your daughter is not my biological mother, I don't have a birth certificate, I have no mother. Well - I have my adoptive parents."
"Then fate really has brought you here..." she opens up the box. "You are wearing her necklace..." she mumbles.
I grasp the necklace around my neck. The silver symbol always boggled me but I kept it nonetheless. My adoptive mother, Pamela, gave it to me when I turned thirteen. It was the day they told me I was adopted and explained that the necklace was the only thing they had from when they got me. Pam and I used to sit together and try figure out the symbol, it became a game.
"Your father was a rich man. It stands for Susannette and Ricardo, S+R, if you look carefully the two letters are on top of eachother, creating the symbol.
She hands me a photo and I can't help but gasp.
It is like looking into a mirror.
The hair, face shape, cheekbones, eyes, lips... identical to my own. And then the necklace resting around her neck...
"There is no doubt that you are her child Jessica..." I hear the old lady say but my mind is clouded. "Welcome home..."
I storm into the restaurant, my body pulsing with anger.
"You!" I hold up the photo, Ricardo Forrero slowly stands to his feet and holds up his hands in surrender.
"Listen, I can explain-"
"No, you lied to me!" I slam the photo down on the table and his eyes flicker to it. "How did you find me?"
"Come, sit and I will explain..." he motions to the seat and I obey, he sits back down after me.
The restaurant slowly refills with chatter and I calm down slowly with each breath I take.
"I was looking for you, I really was Jessica... I found Susannette long ago, I knew her surname, I lied about not. Anyway, there was no connection to a child and they wouldn't give me any answers when I asked. Her family spoke to me for one day only - her funeral, they blamed me but they didn't say so. They had assumed that Susannette had run to me and we couldn't understand why she hadn't, we don't know why she tried to do it alone. They tried to assure me that there was no baby but I knew, I could feel it deep inside of me that there was a small bit of Susannette alive still. You.
"I started looking for a private investigator and it led me to you, you are the best person - The Finder is what you call yourself I believe... I did more research on the so called "Finder" because I wanted to make sure I could trust you and when I came across a possible photograph I couldn't believe my eyes, you look just like her, I had to meet you and when you came I saw the necklace and I knew, I just knew I had found you!" his eyes shine with unshed tears and my heart shakes with emotion.
It has been twenty-four years... I never tried to find my parents because I assumed they hadn't wanted me, but now... now it looks like we were meant to find eachother.
"I am so sorry..." he almost whispers. "I love you..."
"I... I don't know what to say, I want to say that I have been looking for you all this time but I haven't... and I have been perfectly fine." I say, almost dazed.
"You came to the shop this morning! I saw you, Al said you were asking for me, now tell me what you want and how you found my home!" he looks down at me with hard eyes.
"My name is Jessica Rivers, I,uh, I was hoping to speak to your parents?" I almost stutter out, intimidated by his size.
"Sorry, I can't help you, my parents don't live here. Try somewhere else." he turns around.
"Who is it Taiden?" an elderly woman stands in the doorway.
"Nobody grandma, don't you worry." he motions for her to go back inside.
"No, hold on dear... hello?" he looks around him at me. "I know you!" her eyes widen.
"No, that is impossible ma'am, I don't stay around here." I shake my head slowly.
"Come on Gran!" Taide tries to gently push the woman inside.
"Wait!" she pats Taide's hands away and comes out. "What did you come here for my dear?"
"I wanted to speak to your children..." I mumble
"And why is that?"
"I am looking for someone... I think she is related to you." I look at the woman with warm, kind eyes.
"Let's see, what is her name?"
"Uhm..." I suddenly feel nervous, Taide's eyes are drilling into me over the woman's graying hair. "Susannette Lyle, ma'am..." I almost whisper it.
Her eyes widen for a split second, I almost miss it.
"Taide?" she says his name without moving to look behind her.
"Yes grandma?"
"Please could you get Sabrina to make some tea, and could you make sure Miss Rivers is comfortable, I need to fetch something from my room. I will back." a smile slowly appears, "Please come in, it is Jessica, yes?"
"Yes... okay." Taide steps aside for his grandmother and motions me into the tiny house.
I follow the grandmother in slowly, taking in my surroundings. The house is not untidy, there is just too much stuff trying to be fitted in that makes it cramped and makes the place feel untidy.
"Sit, I'll go get Sabrina."
"Already on it, Tai." her voice floats in, along with the sound of a kettle boiling.
"Alright then, I'll stay." he sits down on the torn couch opposite me.
"Who is Susannette?" he asks after a little while.
"You mean you do not know?" he shakes his head. "I thought she was your mother..." I admit stressfully.
"I think you have the wrong family, my mother is Carina." he lies back, a smug look on his face.
"Stop it boy!" the woman scuttles into the living room and takes her seat on the most comfortable looking couch in the room. She places a box on her lap and looks at me.
"I haven't heard that name in ages! How do you know it?" I look around nervously, I can't tell her the truth because it is confidential.
"It's okay dear... you don't have to tell me." she smiles and my nerves disappear. "Susannette is my daughter." she announces.
"What?" Taide's head spins to face his grandmother.
"Hush Taiden, I am speaking." she scolds him.
"Here gramma..." Sabrina places the tray of tea on the table in the middle of the chairs and sits down on the arm of her grandmother's chair.
"Thank you sweetie." she strokes her grandchild's cheek before facing me again. "She was the sister of their father, the middle child of them all. We didn't have alot of money, still don't, it has been harder now without Carina and Lenarr, Lenaar is the kids' father." she explains and I nod. "Susannette was a wild soul, she hated being here and would always be out and about, like a butterfly - and like a butterfly she was beautiful. It was hard for her, growing up with two brothers, one older and one younger." she smiles down at the old box on her lap.
"Ma'am... I just want to know where I could find her." I speak up, afraid I am going to get trapped into story time.
"Of course you do... I am sorry child, but Susannette passed away years ago." she clears her throat when I don't respond.
"Oh..." well this made things harder. "I'm sorry... - do you know if she had any children?"
"I didn't think so, to be honest I thought she had an abortion - sorry. She came home one day and we found out she had been with a man. My husband - her father - and I exchanged a few hurtful words with her. We helped her through the following pregnancy, it was hard for her. we could not afford to feed the mouths already, let alone a baby, we organised to put the baby up for adoption. Susannette didn't respond, we took her silence as agreement but then one day she was gone. Left nothing but a note -" she opens the box and hands me a yellowed envelope that had been torn open.
I carefully remove the letter and unfold it.
Dear mama and papa,
I am sorry, I didn't know what to do.
I lost the baby today
I can't do this
I need to be alone
Goodbye,
Susannette
I fold the letter back up and hand it back.
"We never saw her again..." the lady coughs, "She was only eighteen. Three months later, police approached us to inform us of her death. She had killed herself, drowned in the bathtub of a motel. There was no child so we knew she hadn't lied about the miscarriage. We were heartbroken at the news, Susannette was our baby, she was our little girl, losing her in the moment was a shock but we knew she needed space, we didn't think she would hurt herself..." a stray tear rolls down her cheek and Sabrina swipes it away with her finger.
"So she didn't have a baby?" I whisper.
"Obviously she did!" the lady looks at me.
"I don't understand..." I shake my head.
"Well isn't that the reason you came here?"
"Yes, I was looking for Susannette, I wanted to find out--"
"About your mother, I know." she smiles.
"Excuse me?" I stare at her. "I think there has been a misunderstanding...
"What do you mean?" the lady now looks confused.
"I'm here to find Sussanette's baby, I don't think that I am the baby..."
"Oh dear..." the woman strokes her box.
Guilt flows through me, I let this woman believe that I was her lost grandchild.
"I am so, so sorry..." I shake my head.
"No child, you have nothing to apologise for, I do." she looks up at me, "We never should have pushed her away, your mother didn't deserve that! And you never even knew! Your mother was so brave... she wanted to try on her own, she left to be a mother, obviously she realised she couldn't do it and landed up having to leave you..."
"No... Susannette is not my mother, yes I was adopted but how did you know that? But your daughter is not my biological mother, I don't have a birth certificate, I have no mother. Well - I have my adoptive parents."
"Then fate really has brought you here..." she opens up the box. "You are wearing her necklace..." she mumbles.
I grasp the necklace around my neck. The silver symbol always boggled me but I kept it nonetheless. My adoptive mother, Pamela, gave it to me when I turned thirteen. It was the day they told me I was adopted and explained that the necklace was the only thing they had from when they got me. Pam and I used to sit together and try figure out the symbol, it became a game.
"Your father was a rich man. It stands for Susannette and Ricardo, S+R, if you look carefully the two letters are on top of eachother, creating the symbol.
She hands me a photo and I can't help but gasp.
It is like looking into a mirror.
The hair, face shape, cheekbones, eyes, lips... identical to my own. And then the necklace resting around her neck...
"There is no doubt that you are her child Jessica..." I hear the old lady say but my mind is clouded. "Welcome home..."
I storm into the restaurant, my body pulsing with anger.
"You!" I hold up the photo, Ricardo Forrero slowly stands to his feet and holds up his hands in surrender.
"Listen, I can explain-"
"No, you lied to me!" I slam the photo down on the table and his eyes flicker to it. "How did you find me?"
"Come, sit and I will explain..." he motions to the seat and I obey, he sits back down after me.
The restaurant slowly refills with chatter and I calm down slowly with each breath I take.
"I was looking for you, I really was Jessica... I found Susannette long ago, I knew her surname, I lied about not. Anyway, there was no connection to a child and they wouldn't give me any answers when I asked. Her family spoke to me for one day only - her funeral, they blamed me but they didn't say so. They had assumed that Susannette had run to me and we couldn't understand why she hadn't, we don't know why she tried to do it alone. They tried to assure me that there was no baby but I knew, I could feel it deep inside of me that there was a small bit of Susannette alive still. You.
"I started looking for a private investigator and it led me to you, you are the best person - The Finder is what you call yourself I believe... I did more research on the so called "Finder" because I wanted to make sure I could trust you and when I came across a possible photograph I couldn't believe my eyes, you look just like her, I had to meet you and when you came I saw the necklace and I knew, I just knew I had found you!" his eyes shine with unshed tears and my heart shakes with emotion.
It has been twenty-four years... I never tried to find my parents because I assumed they hadn't wanted me, but now... now it looks like we were meant to find eachother.
"I am so sorry..." he almost whispers. "I love you..."
"I... I don't know what to say, I want to say that I have been looking for you all this time but I haven't... and I have been perfectly fine." I say, almost dazed.
Fin
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