The Time Gone

I take a deep breath as I look myself over in the mirror.
Hopefully no one will notice the red shiny eyes.
I don't need the pity.
I straighten my skirt, grab my bag and rush out to the car.
As we pull up to school my friend Sarah is waiting for me.
I climb out.
She looks me up and down and then hugs me.
I feel tears rising and I pull away.
I don't need to cry.
Not here anyway.
Not in front of all these people.
She offers a small smile and then we walk into school.
When the bell rings I go to class.
Everyone just watches me.
Expecting me to break down any moment.
I'm not that weak.
I won't let them see me cry.
I'm thankful for Jade.
She's new,
She doesn't know what everyone else knows.
So she's the only one treating me normally.
But I think half way through the day,
Someone filled her in.
Because she became a little distance.
At my locker I watch people slow down to watch me.
Whispering amongst themselves.
All wanting to catch me if I cry.
I slam the door shut.
They scuttle away.
When the end of the day rolls around I am relieved.
I grab my books and hurry out before anyone stops me.
At the gate I check my phone.
No messages,
No calls.
My breathing catches when I look at the date.
August sixth...
It would be our three years today.
But I ruined everything.
As always.
I never realised that you carried me.
Your voice, your smile, your laugh, you.
And everyone knew who we were.
Everyone wanted to know our story.
Me ending things between us caused a mist through my school.
People were a little lost for awhile.
Not sure on what to say to me.
Every month after.
They've watched me fall more and more into depression.
I've tried to pull myself out.
I look back at photos, messages and memories. And I cry.
Voice notes are worse. . .
Hearing your voice brings me to tears at any moment.
It has been twelve months.
I don't know how you've felt.
But you seem to be okay.
I've watched from a distance.
At least you're smiling.
I look around
My parents haven't arrived yet.
They're never late to fetch me from school.
My phone buzzes with a text from Sarah.
Don't be angry...
Confused by the message I look around and see her quite a distance behind me.
I shrug to her but she just looks past me.
I look around.
A few people are looking past me.
I turn and look and I instantly look for somewhere to hide.
It's you.
You are here.
At my school.
On our 'Would Be Three Years'
You are climbing out of your car.
Looking as perfect as ever.
My heart squeezes and I clench my teeth.
Forcing myself not to cry.
You cross the street.
Not even checking for cars.
Not breaking eye contact with me.
When there's a metre distance between us you stop.
You look me up and down and take a deep breath.
I study you too.
Your hair is longer, a bit raggish now.
You also have bags under your eyes,
Haven't you been sleeping?
You take in a shaking breath.
Neither of us speaks.
We just take each other in with our eyes.
Your eyes are still the most beautiful green I have ever seen before.
You reach up and rub the back of your neck.
You are nervous.
You say my name, softly but I hear it.
I look into your eyes again and j see the shininess appear before the tears and then I am in your arms.
And we don't sag anything.
We just hold each other.
We hold each other like we had before the break up.
We hold each other so tightly like our lives depend on it.
We both cry.
It won't be the first time we've cried in front of each other.
"I love you!" You whisper. It's not the first time you've told me you love me.
"I love you too!" I whisper back for the first time on purpose since we met.
And in that moment,
We are perfect.